To Doug McIntyre

I accept the apology. I guess I can half-cross that of my list of things I want .

What else is on my wish list?

I'd like an apology from Al Gore for losing his own state.
I'd like Hillary Clinton cloned numerous times, so every American can kill her as much as they please.
I'd like to see Dick Cheney shoot another person, preferably a small diabetic kid.
I'd like to see someone in my state government talking about health care and social security instead of homosexuals and illegal immigration.
I'd like to stop using an improper contraction, but I can't 'cause I'm an idiot.
I'd like to elect Bush for a third, fourth, fifth, six, seventh, and eighth term in order to secure a permanent scapegoat to all my problems; after all, it isn't like I have the power to do anything about government policy in a democratic country.
I'd like to outlaw smoking in public places because I don't smoke, smoking has negative effects, and I'm in the majority.
I'd like to ban gay marriage because I'm not gay, homosexuality has negative moral effects, and I'm in the majority.
I'd like to see someone step up and say rebuilding a city on continually sinking ground is as brilliant as an idea to construct a town below a glacier or aside a dormant volcano.
I'd like a 10-foot pole to poke and prod inmates at my local and state prisons; if we aren't going to rehabilitate them, why can't I taunt and harass them with a large stick?
I'd like to kick the person in the nuts that trapped a rabbit, cut off its foot, and declared it to be lucky.
I'd like to watch as the US George H.W. Bush sets sail for the first time before promptly docking at an oil rig.
I'd like to know what is happening to Saddam Hussein instead of hearing about Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and their child.
I'd like a cookie.
I'd like Penn and Teller: Bullshit! to air on NBC instead of Showtime.
I'd like to elect Arnold Schwarzenegger to be governor of my state.
I'd like to be there when the wall across the United States-Mexico border is completed, and the next illegal immigrant wades into the water to go around it.

Now that I think of it, I really don't care that a person apologizes for making the wrong decision years after making it. It is worse for people that made the decision twice. I'm glad such a person has grown or changed or whatever, but I really don't care. I didn't care that Tookie was sorry for starting the crips (though he was jailed for killing a couple people during robberies he never asked forgiveness for), and I don't care about people salivating over the possibilities to come in the next election as if there is nothing the public can do to get a failing government official out of their position (see: Richard Nixon, Gray Davis, and Bill Clinton).


If there are actually people with bumper stickers stating, "2007: The End of an Error," to them I would say, "Go drive into an arroyo!" I'd rather they read, "2006: Impeach the mother****er!"

Lazy reactionary lemmings.

Who wants to fix problems as they arise anyway? It is much more fun to watch shit run its course.

Bin Laden? He'll die eventually, and then we have justice!
Saddam Hussein? **** man, his sons are dead, isn't that punishment enough?
Catholicism? Kick priests found having gay sex with each other or abusing their patrons out of the religion; that will fix the problem.
Homosexuality? What bad behavior could arise when the public agrees in restricting the rights of a minority? Seriously, what could happen?


Nothing is new in this apology; nothing is over the edge; this is just a revelation. It is not that it is nice that he has learnt something, but it is like knowing the material for a test the day after you took it. It is too late to do good on the test, so even though you know what you need to, you are already screwed. The worst part of all of it is that he is a sucker. Smart enough to make rational decisions based on factual material, but not smart enough to avoid peer pressure and conformity.The question for Doug is: What good does knowing you're a sucker do you now?



P.S. Oatmeal and Raisin